


Iron

by lmontyy



Series: EllieDina Week 2021 [5]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Canon Compliant, Day Five, ELLIEDINA WEEK, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Pain, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Trauma, Unhappy Ending, Visions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29873181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmontyy/pseuds/lmontyy
Summary: Dina's panic attacks never cease, even years after their nightmare in Seattle. Nothing scares her more than abandonment and being alone. She needs Ellie to stay. It's an empty promise.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Series: EllieDina Week 2021 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188947
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	Iron

**Author's Note:**

> don't kill me for this
> 
> ahhh day five!
> 
> TW: ANGST, HEAVY ANGST, PANIC ATTACKS, ANXIETY, ABANDONMENT ISSUES, PTSD.
> 
> THIS FIC IS INSPIRED BY "DREAMING WITH A BROKEN HEART" BY JOHN MAYER!
> 
> MY PERSONAL SPOTIFY PLAYLIST FOR ELLIEDINA WEEK CAN BE FOUND HERE: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6qf1UYhdoMRyaSLexX5oMQ?si=09Is9tz3TIqK26cp0IvB2Q&nd=1
> 
> please enjoy! (im so sorry)

Dina dreaded every time the deep blue sky rolled over the Jackson mountains. It hung heavily over the roof of the farmhouse, darkening the fields and the trees just outside the fence. It made every room in the house dim and sorrowful. Dina never kept the lights on anymore.

She felt her breathing start to pick up. Her chest felt weighted and heavy. With every breath, it felt like her lungs were being crushed behind her ribcage.

JJ was asleep. His little snores – which usually comforted her every night – weren’t proving to calm her that night. They became distant static in the gray world around her.

She couldn’t breathe.

_“You okay, babe?”_ A voice that nearly startled her from beside her.

Turning her head as she jumped with surprise, she was met with the beautiful eyes glistening in the faraway moonlight that peered through the cracks in the curtains. A stroke of moonlight painted across her eye, igniting the color – a beautiful forest green. The dusting of freckles all over her face had faded in the darkness of the room around her, but those lovely white teeth behind plump lips were all too visible. It shook Dina’s entire being.

And for a second, Dina let herself sink into the moment.

“Yeah,” she forced out between heaving breaths. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m okay.”

Ellie’s face twisted from a smile to a wondrous expression completely littered with concern. _“You don’t sound okay.”_

The statement had a teasing little undertone that had Dina breathily chuckling through the hyperventilations, engulfed in this moment. “Maybe you’re right.”

A thin, muscular arm pulled itself from underneath the covers and extended toward Dina. _“Come here, come talk to me.”_

She wanted more than anything than to sink into Ellie’s embrace. She didn’t trust it. She wanted to, but she couldn’t. Her anxiety was too strong, her memories screaming from the back of her mind to stay away.

“It’s alright, I’ll be alright,” Dina assured, unsuccessfully, as her breaths continued to falter and cut short.

The silence from the girl next to her was deafening. Something didn’t feel right. Something was off, and Dina knew it.

_“I don’t like seeing you like this, D.”_

Every inch of Dina’s soul wanted to reach out and grab Ellie. Her anxiety attacks had been getting worse and worse, and there she was, right there. _I can’t be seeing things. I’m just panicking. This is real. Don’t worry._

Slowly but surely, she found herself inching forward toward the body of the girl in the bed beside her. She was met by a hum of satisfaction as Dina’s skin touched against hers. 

She believed all of it.

_“What’s on your mind?”_

“Everything,” the words pouring out of her mouth weren’t her own. She let herself go. “Everything’s on my mind. I’m so tired, I haven’t slept.” The tears came shortly after as her hands reached for her face. “Everything with Seattle. I still never got over it, either.” She was frantic, tired, angry and upset. “I never got over the shit I saw happen, either.”

Ellie was silent then. She let the girl continue.

“I’m exhausted, El,” she choked on her own words, biting back sobs. “I’m exhausted and I can’t keep thinking about this.”

They had disagreed so many times, on rough nights, who had it worse. The two of them would bicker and fight and get under each others’ skin. It was normal – Dina knew that. She knew that couples fought and they would say things they didn’t mean. After every argument, both of them would find it in themselves to apologize and remind each other that they loved each other, and they were here for the other to help through the trauma they’d experienced together.

She forgot how much Ellie’s relationship with her meant to her. She needed her.

_“I’m here,”_ Ellie’s words pressed, reassured. _“Don’t cry, love. I’m right here.”_

A strong hand stroked through dark curls. It was the first time in nearly weeks that she let herself sink into the moment. She was getting carried away.

“I know,” Dina huffed out through cries, wiping her nose and eyes with the long-sleeved pajama shirt she wore. Her usual tank top was gone. It was colder at night. “I’m tired.”

Dina’s breaths were slowly coming to their normal pace. Her lungs – burned from the way the oxygen had quickly tore through her body with every heaving breath – were sore but calmer now. The room was almost darker somehow.

_Something’s not right._

Dina’s stomach had started to turn. Even in the arms of her lover, something was wrong. She could feel it deep in her body.

Throughout the many, many months of living together with Ellie and their son, there was nothing a little love from the woman she’d fallen for couldn’t fix. Through countless anxiety attacks, moments of fear, or paranoid feelings, Ellie’s embrace seemed to heal every scar, bandage every wound. Being with Ellie was like a dream in which she would never feel true pain again. The taller girl would pepper kisses along her face, keep her wrapped tight in her arms, cover her with the comforters or the blankets in an attempt to keep her warm and comfortable. She was amazing at being Dina’s rock.

This time, though, Dina couldn’t feel worse in Ellie’s arms.

There was something about the way she held her that felt dishonest, cold. Something that truly frightened her.

_“How can I help you?”_ Ellie’s voice pressed softly against the shell of Dina’s ear. She was tucked carefully into the girl’s neck, trying to make herself comfortable and calm. It wasn’t working. _“I’m here.”_

Dina had to think. She had to think of how she wanted to tell her. _I need you to stay._

“I want you to stay here with me,” her voice was so heartbreakingly desperate. Dina pulled away from the crook of Ellie’s neck to burn her dark eyes into light green ones. “I don’t want you to go.”

Ellie smiled down at her with a sigh through her nostrils. There was something so heart-wrenching about how sad that smile was.

_“I’m never going anywhere. I'm never leaving you.”_

It was an empty promise.

It was then that Dina realized what had been wrong the entire time. Why her stomach filled with so much lead in Ellie’s arms. Why her mouth tasted like iron.

“You already did.”

That’s when Dina found herself alone in her bed – the body on the mattress next to her had completely vanished. The room was dark and completely lifeless. JJ’s snores had died off, and Dina was alone in her bed. Even with JJ across from her, she was alone.

The only thing left of Ellie was that guitar she had left leaning up against the wall of the closet in their room, with an empty backpack tucked right next to it.

**Author's Note:**

> dont hurt me for this one y'all
> 
> im sorry i did this to you 
> 
> thanks for reading! please leave a comment with some feedback – i live for that shit.
> 
> don't forget to follow the spotify playlist (i will be updating it as the week goes on) to get a feeling for the vibes i have when i'm writing these! here's the link again: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6qf1UYhdoMRyaSLexX5oMQ?si=09Is9tz3TIqK26cp0IvB2Q&nd=1
> 
> you can follow my tumblr @lmontyy or lmontyy.tumblr.com. there i post updates on my writing, personal stuff, and i spam with mainly the last of us and she-ra content, with the occasional legend of korra and the walking dead game content, as well. :)
> 
> thank you again! looking forward to thoughts on this.
> 
> much love,  
> monty


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